No, Really, I Am an American

There was this part of me that was really eager to see these people again. Have they changed? Have we grown up?

And as I stood in the parking lot of the Alumni Club waiting for my friends to pick me up on a brisk Wednesday night in December, I don’t feel bad at all about ditching the people inside. Yes, it was good to see them. Yes, there were people in there who I honestly wish I had stayed in touch with…but the truth of the matter is I haven’t changed.

I still smile. I still laugh. I still hate myself for never understanding their world. For being judgmental and borderline unforgiving.

I looked at some of those faces that night and couldn’t help but think, “We were never friends. Don’t pretend that you ever liked me.”

I can’t say that it was the worst night of my life because it wasn’t. My old friend Julie put the shindig together and if I have one regret about that whole experience from those skirted days, to that night, to now, it’s that she and I aren’t as close as we used to be.

We used to call each other “Best Friend”. Yes, we even had those silly half charms. She gave it to me for one of my birthdays, which one in particular eludes me, but I remember it. We did those things that best friends are supposed to do. We even fought. Hell, I gave her a black eye. The first decent punch I ever threw…even if it was an accident.

I can’t say that we drifted apart because that’s not how it happened. We were ripped apart. I can take the blame now because I grew up. I realized my folly and I wish that things had turned out differently. But they didn’t. Our relationship was never the same after that. And this one is seriously my fault.

And as I stood in the parking lot of the Alumni Club waiting for my friends to pick me up on a brisk Wednesday night in December…I thought of her. If there was one person in that room full of old faces and memories…if there was one person I was honestly glad to see and if there was one person I had to say good-bye to it was her.

Julie.

“J”

My best friend.

And it’s true…a long time ago, we used to be friends…