No, Really, I Am an American

I could have Jumped.

I could have made it to Boston in a matter of minutes rather than the hour and a half flight from O’Hare to Logan. I’m fooling myself. I’m such a liar.

I am the great pretender.

I don’t Jump because I have it planted in my brain that if I do this the old fashioned way, I’m letting Topher and Meredith savor this life just a little more. Who am I kidding? They don’t know to savor it because this is their life. They remember nothing of the Infected. They remember nothing of fighting.

They remember nothing of us.

I am such a coward.

I’m so afraid.

They’ll hate me for this. And I won’t be able to handle it.

I need them. They’re my twin pillars of strength. Without them for my foundation I won’t be able to do what is needed. I won’t be able to fight. For them. For us. Connor and I may have always been in the thick of things, but we always relied on Topher and Meredith. They kept us human.

We all trained together under the guidance of Cap and the evasive Ordo’nai — Omni and Lore. Connor and I were made for this kind of life, Topher and Meredith just happened upon it. None of us were really meant to be Warriors, but those two especially deserved some kind of normalcy.

They weren’t great fighters.

They were just two people who tried to do the right thing.

I sit on the Silver Line and watch the city of Boston bustle by me. They chose this city because of what it represented. Security. Culture. White picket fence. Regardless of where we come from and what we’ve seen, we still harbor a desire for these shiny things.

It was Topher who specifically chose to live here. He was in love with the city, with the academic community, with the history that exuded from this place…and the fact that not a single gorram road ran straight. (Topher is an peculiar fellow.)

I think about their choice absently as the bus approaches South Station. I make my transfer to the Red Line here. A cold, sinking feeling settles and permeates in my stomach. I’m maybe twenty minutes away from stealing their lives.

They think we went to school together. It’s kind of true. It was more like an academy…of sorts. Instead of being trained as scholars, we were trained as Warriors.

The car I sit on is peppered with students. You can tell. They’ve got this look about them. Like they have no idea how they’re going to crank out a twenty-five page paper and still make it to the kegger in time.

Okay. So not all of them are like that. But there’s definitely an intense look to them in their twenty-something expressions.

They’re not much older or younger than me. And yet…

Kendall. This is my stop.

I follow the flush of students topside to Main Street. I pull out my cell phone and make like every other person this side of the ‘verse. The difference between my call and theirs is that I’m using mine to locate my friends.

We each have a particular Signature, one that Viczen and Omni can always trace. It’s generally how I manage to find Cap when he’s wandering the world.

“Do you read me?”

“Copy that, Wildcat,” Viczen replies. “Searching.”

I wait patiently for Viczen to work her magic, savoring the few seconds I have left before seeing them again. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to see them. They’re my friends. We’ve always been friends. It’s just…

“Got it. Sending coordinates now.”

I press the phone to my ear a little more. Viczen doesn’t need to tell me aurally. In a matter of seconds, I’ll know exactly where they are. Their Signatures hum in the back of my mind. “Linked.”

“Going dark. Good luck, Wildcat.”

Viczen’s signal goes out.

I snap my cell closed and put it back in my bag. I decide to go to Topher first. I figure, he’ll be more forgiving than Meredith. His Signature is coming from Pierce Labratory on the other side of campus. I head towards Mass Ave.

I wish I had a cigarette.

Time is on my side. As I approach Pierce, I spot Topher easily and it has nothing to do with his Signature. Has he gotten taller?

“Topher.”

I don’t shout for him. I don’t need to. I know he would hear me even if I had no voice. We’re all just wired that way.

“Jaye!”

I’m caught in a familiar embrace. It doesn’t squeeze the air out of me like you’d expect. It’s affectionate and friendly.

I peer up at him, “I think I’m shrinking.”

He smiles his affable, open and friendly smile. “You don’t drink enough milk.”

“Whatever, Da.”

I’ve always called Topher me Da. Honestly, I can’t even remember how it started. But that’s the name I’m more apt to call him than “Topher”.

Topher’s brow furrows, “Wait. Were we expecting you?”

I so want to tease him. Topher is notorious for being absent-minded about things like this, meeting times, visits, etc. I just smile. “Nah, I was in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by. Is that okay?”

He processes this information in his brain. He shakes his head, “Wait, what? Don’t be silly.” Me Da slings an arm around me, “You’re always welcome. Besides, Meredith will be thrilled to see you.”

I smile weakly, “Yeah.”

Oh Da, if you only knew the real reason I was here…

Topher and Meredith live in a lovely colonial house closer to Radcliffe than their own university. When things were being decided, they were uncertain about which school they wanted to attend; they could have chosen anywhere in the city from Harvard to the Boston Conservatory. Strangely enough, the house was decided on before the school.

It had been Meredith’s choice. The moment she saw it, she was in love with it. I made the necessary arrangements and by the time they decided on MIT, they were already settled in.

Meredith named the house Netherfield.

I had honestly been surprised by her choice of institution. When she picked the house by Radcliffe, I seriously expected her to enroll there to pursue a Master’s in Women’s Studies. Instead, she chose to nurture her scientific mind at MIT.

If the circumstances had been different, I would have teased her about picking the school just because of Topher. But the circumstances were what they were and I kept my smart mouth shut.

Netherfield, as far as Topher and Meredith knew, belonged to some distant relative of Topher’s and he had inherited it upon said relative’s passing. It was all rather convenient. They hadn’t planned on living together, but economically speaking, it made the most sense for both of them. Especially since all the finances and furnishings had been taken care of; all they needed to worry about was food and personal expenses.

My step falters on the drive. Me Da is several strides ahead of me. I stare at the house. Their house. Netherfield represents so much, means so much…

To them…

To me…

To all of us.

“Something shiny,” I whisper.

“Jaye, you coming?”

I jog up the drive, abandoning whatever feelings I have for something shiny and focus on the mission at hand. Now is not the time to be all reflective and wistful. Now is the time to act.

My spine is already tingling.

I cross the threshold, my hand closed around the silver orb in my pocket.

“Oh my gosh, Jaye!”

I’m caught in a very enthusiastic embrace. I smile in spite of myself, “Hey, Red.”

Meredith pulls back, a bright upon her lips. “I didn’t know you were coming,” she notes.

“Spur of the moment,” I reply. “You know me, reckless and stupid.”

“Well come in, come in. Don’t stand in the foyer all night. Are you hungry? I just made some fajitas, but if don’t want Mexican we can head out to the Asgard…Jaye?”

I haven’t moved. I stare at the ground, I can’t look at them right now.

Meredith’s brow furrows, “Hey, what’s up?” She reaches toward me but I step back. I pull out the silver orb. “Jaye…?” Topher queries softly.

I look at both them, at their open concern, at their life of ignorance, at the life they deserve…and I falter. The tingling does not abate, however, and I can feel an Infected – make that Infecteds — nearby.

“I’m sorry,” I say honestly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Jaye, what’s wr—”

I hold out the orb, “We’re needed.”

A blinding flash illuminates the room, briefly bathing it in the brightest of lights. Topher and Meredith stagger slightly. I know their memories and instincts are assaulting their senses. My heart aches for them.

I really do regret having to do this.

Me Da is the first to regain his composure. His face is expressionless as he regards me, “Wildcat.”

I nod once, “Silverfox.”

I look to Meredith. She still hasn’t moved, she’s propping herself against the wall. “Darrow.”

She looks at me sharply. I meet her gaze evenly. It is not the first time I have seen such a dark look in my friend’s eyes. Meredith strides toward me purposefully. “God damn you, Jaye,” she says lowly.

My cheek is suddenly burning. I am not surprised at Meredith’s reaction. I deserve much worse to be honest. But it still doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I can’t let her know that, though. Especially now. I do not bring my hand to the spot where she has struck me and instead look back at her. I say nothing.

Meredith turns from me. “Selfish bitch,” she mutters and heads upstairs.

Topher moves to follow her. “I’ll go talk to her,” he says. He is about to follow when he stops. “Jaye, for what it’s worth…I understand. But I can’t say I’m happy.”

I bow my head, “I know. We have to hurry.”

**************

Wow. You waited that long for this crap?

“Living Conditions” - 4.01, Buffy:The Vampire Slayer