No, Really, I Am an American

Okay. So Jamie Martin and I haven’t really seen much of each other in these last few years, and not just because I was in Japan. There was a time there when I referred to her as a “mother”, much like how Grant is “me Da”. But as we got older, I guess our interests shifted (we used to watch a lot of anime together — I blame her for Rurouni Kenshin) and we grew apart some. It struck me as a bit confusing when I got an invitation to her wedding. At first, I didn’t think I’d be home for it, but as we all know my plans kinda changed with the Fall of Nova.

Chris O was in charge of her shower, so she told me I had to go. I griped about that all week. I know it seems odd to gripe about it, and highly jack assy, but I’m not always so good in those situations. Everyone knows how I hate people so why would I put myself through such a thing if I could avoid it?

But Chris insisted, and Al was gonna be there, and Jamie is my friend and all and apparently wanted me to be there…so yeah, I went. Still griped something awful about it, but I resigned myself to go.

I am not so good at the whole wedding thing. I mean, I was in my friend Sarah’s wedding right around the end of uni, but I didn’t do a whole lot for it. That and I can’t really remember her shower. Weddings alone freak me out, so it was only natural that the shower would too.

So showers involve gifts as well, and it also involves checking out registries. I have a vague memory of checking out registries before (maybe for Chris and Mark’s wedding, or possibly for my friend Sarah’s), so I knew there was some kind of computer thingy I could check out. This happened on Friday, so Melany and Denise were kind enough to come with me in my adventure into the shopping (yes, I went to shopping…it really is a crazy and frightening place, and I honestly don’t know how the Japanese people can do it)

Of course, Jamie was registered at Crate and Barrel and well, Mel, Denise, and I were at Woodfield so it seemed like a good place to start. We found the little computer thing that helps with the registry, eventually found Jamie’s information — there were like four Jamie Martin’s, lucky for me only one of them was in Illinois — and went to picking out stuff. Maybe I’m a moron, or maybe it really is that hard, but I was having a bit of trouble figuring out what to get her. I think there were three instances where the thing that seemed like a good present was already purchased. And don’t ask me why, but I was starting to panic. Something about shopping in America irritates me and freaks me out — me Da says it probably in my head, he’s probably right, but that don’t change the fact that I dislike it. So yeah, I was getting to the point where I didn’t care what the hell I bought so long as it got me out of the gorram store. (Bless Melany and Denise for their help and for being patient with me in my craziness.)

We wandered over towards the napkins ‘cuz it seemed like a safe, good idea. I really felt like we were getting somewhere, but for some reason or another I foolishly second-guessed the thought and was back where I started. Here’s where the hot chick comes in.

So I’m standin’ there with the registry list, mostly staring at it ‘cuz I lost my ability to read it, when Trishia (?) came by to offer assistance. I usually decline, but I was clearly at a loss so I handed her the registry and she tried to give me some advice. It started out with napkins, as originally thought of, but I think she moved too fast ‘cuz the next thing I know I’m considering martini glasses.

Trishia seemed awfully keen on these glasses; she suggested some other stuff as well, but my memory of the encounter revolves mostly around the martini glasses. She brought us over to the glass area to show these martini glasses to me, only to discover they were not there. While we were there, though, she showed me the champagne flutes that were also on Jamie’s list, but again, the martini glasses were brought up ‘cuz she said there was one other place where they might be. She went zippin’ off to the another part of the store, prompting me to turn helplessly to Denise (I think Melany had gone to the Apple Store by this point) and ask “Am I supposed to follow her?” (We guessed at yes.)

After striking out a second time, you would think that it was a sign from the Martini gods that I was not meant to buy these glasses for Jamie…but then Trishia offered to go and get them from the back. She was saying something about the cute things I could do with the glasses, and the accessories I could put with ‘em meanwhile I’m panicking ‘cuz I thought all I had to do was buy the stupid glasses…no one said anything about accessories! Since she was so keen on ‘em and so willin’ to help me out, I said sure, and not in a very “I totally want to buy these martini glasses!” way, more in a “for the love of God I just want to buy something and get it over with!” kind of way. Then again, I also have this tendency to get nervous around girls like that. If she had been British, I would have been in a lot of trouble. (I am so going to hell…)

Denise and I stood there for a bit. I say “a bit” because I think Trishia got distracted or had to do something else ‘cuz it seemed like we were waiting longer than we thought it would take to get something from the back. I’m pretty sure I asked Denise again if I was supposed to follow her, but it seemed safer to stay right where we were.

Trishia comes back with the martini glasses and unwrapped them to show us. Gotta admit, these were pretty swank glasses; I don’t drink martinis but I think if I did I would like the glasses. And they’re not just for martinis, as Trishia pointed out. You can also use ‘em for cocktail shrimp and stuff, or candles, or general Martha Stewart type stuff. Well, I figured she went to all that trouble to get ‘em and they were in my price range so I decided to take ‘em.

I followed her back to the register and there was general chatter about wedding showers and the like. I was still ready to bolt and then there was the pressure of figuring out the card thing. There was this little screen thing like they have at other places that you’re supposed to slide your card through, but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ‘cuz it didn’t look like it. It doesn’t help that I’ve become accustomed to using cash more often than not. I felt better after discovering that the scanny thing wasn’t what I thought it was and it was a good thing I asked first before I tried to slide my card through like a moron.

As hot as Trishia was, and I don’t usually make comments on the hotness of other folk ‘cuz I’m a freak and think it’s unfair of me, I was glad to get the hell outa there.

So I bought Jamie a gift that I knew someone else would give her, too. I was influenced by Trishia’s enthusiasm about the things, but also ‘cuz I figured Jamie might actually want the whole set since she put it on her registry and all, and don’t forget, they’re more than just martini glasses!

The day of Jamie’s shower finally arrived and I was still not keen on going. I dressed like I was going to work, partly ‘cuz I didn’t know what else to wear, and partly ‘cuz I’m not smart like that — you know, knowing how to look nice and stuff (and “smart” as in the “chic” usage).

One of the best parts about all this was being able to ride in Allison’s Prius, named Glimmer. Dude, that was so cool! Kris got to ride in it on Monday and said it was wicked shiny, and I hafta agree! There were bits that threw me off a bit, but I think it’s a pretty keen car. I approve.

The shower itself wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. I mostly hid behind Al and Chris and our table was all folk I knew so it was five-by-five with me. The lunch was a buffet and there was some wicked good punch involved. Mark’s sister Michelle was at our table and I gotta say, I really enjoy being around her. She’s pretty funny.

Here’s where I don’t really remember how showers work, or I just haven’t been to proper ones or some such. Again, I point out that I have vague memories of doing something like this for Sarah, but that was really low-key. There were games involved. When Chris first mentioned this to me, general panic set in ‘cuz the last time I played games I was in Japan attending a Halloween party that freaked me the hell out. The first game involved an envelope and “knowing Jamie”; I can’t say I remember the details vividly, but it was actually neat. I got to remember fun facts like how Jamie used to work at County Seat — when I was a freshman and such, I used to go and visit her! The second game was gift bingo.

Here’s a part where I’m a jack ass. I’ve never been one to enjoy opening presents in front of other folk, so in my head I can’t imagine why anyone else would want to. Al said it’s kind of a rule and might be thought of as rude to not do so. Feh. That’s what I have to say about that. Anyway, we spent the next chunk of time watching Jamie open presents; it was more fun to have an incentive like winning Bingo.

It was nice to see Jamie again. She still refers to me as her daughter and that makes me smile. I’m glad she’s getting married to a nice guy like Jimmy. And I’m really glad the shower thing is over ‘cuz now I don’t have to freak out about anything until her wedding, and that’s in like May.

So what have we learned from this? Crate and Barrel has wicked cool stuff, and showers are more fun when you’re with people you know. Also games don’t have to suck.