No, Really, I Am an American

So this past weekend wasn’t anything like I expected.

On Friday, Melany and Denise came over to have dinner with me before I left for England. Even though I have no idea when I’ll be leaving and for all I know they just came out to play, it was still great seeing them. I’m glad we stayed in touch, and as far as my friendship with Melany is concerned, I’m glad Aaron was wrong. (That reminds me, I totally have to e-mail him.) And to think, she and I became friends because a pencil sharpener fell on me.

Usually when the three of us get together, we go to Friday’s for whatever meal it is we gather for. This time around, I had a brilliant plan. I think this was the first time we were able to gather for dinner (it’s usually lunch) and knowing that it would be a Friday night at like prime dinner hour, I proposed getting Portillo’s and coming back to my house instead. That way we’d save a little money and we wouldn’t have to worry about being in an incredibly crowded restaurant. Also, it was a decision made long before gathering, so that saved us from spending valuable hang-out time trying to decide what to eat.

One of the thing that amuses me to no end when the three of us get together is the fact that we always end up talking about our soaps. I used to watch General Hospital during the summers and then when I was in college, I fell into Pine Valley; Melany and Denise watch both respectively. Although, none of us have really watched our soaps with as much enthusiasm as we did back in college, but it’s still nice to rage about something no one else in the group can really savvy.

It was a nice visit that ended too soon. Then again, I’m used to staying up and playing until the wee hours of the morning.

Thereafter, I ended up being kidnapped by the Holtzmans and taken to the Settlement for some board games. And by board games, I mean Peanuts, which I’m trying to get better at playing. I think I got out of the negatives after a while, but it was like for a score of +1.

Saturday was exciting for me ‘cuz my mom and I had Lou Malnati’s for lunch. I know we had Lou’s for dinner a few weeks ago, but still, my family eating anything other than Asian food is incredibly impressive to me.

That evening, I finally got to see Bottle Shock — oddly enough it was playing at AMC 30. I think Bert, Toni, Mike, and I were the only ones in the theater under the age of 30. The movie was all right, there were things about it that kinda bugged me, but I was still way happy to have seen it. And come on, Eliza Dushku was in it! And she wasn’t trying to kill anyone and she wasn’t being chased by mountain men; now if only I could see frickin’ Nobel Son I’ll be good to go.

There was gonna be bowling after that, but I eventually backed out. For one thing, I don’t really do bowling so much and the only reason I went with the Slices gang on New Year’s Eve was because I was all kinds of lonely and needed to be around people.

I ended up at the Halfway House after the movie. Jamie, Lynny, Dee and her husband John Paul were actually in Schaumburg and I haven’t seen any of them in a while. There had been a time back in the day when they were The Group. I can’t recall exactly what it was we used to do, but we definitely got together a lot. I mostly remember going over to Jamie’s house or Kris’s place when he used to live on Beech.

John Paul is a big board game fan, like goes to conventions kind of fan. He brought over a box full of games to try. Unfortunately for me, I missed out on the newer games; I don’t remember the name of the game I walked in on, but it involved a court, and I think wenches were mentioned. Mark apparently really liked the game. By the time I joined in the fun and games, we played Ticket to Ride with the expansion and the most destination cards rule, Fluxx, and Citadels. We decided that it would be awesome if Dee and John Paul moved back to Illinois, not only ‘cuz it’d be nice to have them home, but also ‘cuz their collection of games is like the Settlement and Grant’s stuff combined. (The box was only a portion of the games they had.)

Sunday was a day full of computers. Mark was kind enough to help me make Jon Snow into Jean-Luc III. (Oh, I just thought of another name I coulda gone with “Trey” — I vaguely remember that being a nickname for people who are “the Third”. For the record, Jon Snow is so much better.) We also had an impromptu dinner which was quite freaking awesome, but really, when am I not happy eating at the Halfway House. Well…there was that one time Mark said the gnocci resembled something incredibly unappetizing, but other than that, everything else has always been awesome. (I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat gnocci again…)

So yeah, this weekend wasn’t quite what I expected, but it was still a good weekend. And at the rate things are going, it was more like my penultimate weekend at home.

WARNING — for those of you daunted by my longer posts, this one would absolutely be categorized as such. Just sayin’

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A very GrAl Saturday Part 1

A few weeks ago, Al (and Grant, but I suspect it was more Al’s doing with the formal part of it) sent out Evites to spend the day at the Brookfield Zoo and thereafter go back to their apartment for their official housewarming. I eagerly replied “maybe” but everyone and their brother knew I was going to go. Like I’d pass up hanging out with animals, I mean Grant and Al.

I thought we were going to the zoo at 11:30; for whatever reason, that time stuck out in my head. So I was wicked surprised when Mark sent me a text the night before telling me that he would pick me up around 7:45, as in 7:45 AM. It was then, while I was hanging out at the Settlement eating Lou Malnati’s pizza and watching the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics, that I learned we were actually meeting at Grant and Al’s at 9 AM. I guess I should actually start reading invitations…

So yeah. We were gonna be meeting much earlier than I realized. Apparently, I would have no trouble waking up in the morning ‘cuz I heard my parents get up for breakfast at 5:30 and I wanted Saturday Breakfast (sausage, eggs, and English Muffin as opposed to Sunday Breakfast which is pancakes). I mentioned to them the night before that I would want it, but my sleep-fogged brain forgot about that part or something ‘cuz I woke up anyway.

And then I was like awake, as in couldn’t even go back to sleep awake. You know how sometimes you can do that, wake up but go back to sleep anyway? Yeah, not so much with that. It was all five-by-five though ‘cuz I totally got breakfast.

I spent the next two hours or so apartment hunting. Not like two hours straight, but there was definitely time spent rifling through adverts on gumtree and looking at pictures of possible flats. I think my favorite was the one that had just one picture of the toilet. Not the whole bathroom, just the toilet. I told everyone about it when I saw them later ‘cuz I was just so amused by it.

Chris and Mark came and got me, and then we promptly stopped at Dominick’s for a vegetable tray that Grant and Al needed as well as much needed caffeine from the Starbuck’s. We picked up Rich on our way to the apartment and despite a slightly late start and a stop, we still made it to Oak Park in good time.

I was really excited to see my dolphin (see post “That’s my dolphin!”) and the zoo since I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually been there. There had been a lot of people invited to the zoo and housewarming, but only about eighteen of us could actually make that part of the trip. Amongst the guests I hadn’t seen in forever long was Lindsay “Evans” and Dan Hert, who are married now so I guess they’re just the Herts. When I heard them arrive, I bolted downstairs to greet them; and yeah, there was definitely hugging involved.

After a few more arrivals, we split up into four different cars and set off to the zoo, which was only about fifteen minutes away from the apartment. Al apparently forgot to mention that we were supposed to follow her so that she would be able to get us free parking, but it really didn’t seem to matter to folk.

One of the main reasons we were going to the zoo was to see Al narrate the dolphin show. After she’d gotten her job promotion back in April (or possibly May) narrating was one of the new things she would get to do, so naturally, we all wanted to see this happen. The show was at 11:30 — the reason that time stuck out in my mind — so we had a little time to kill before seeing the show.

We went through The Fragile Kingdom first. Inside the building we got to see these ginormous porcupines (African Crested Porcupines) and meerkats being fed. Al knew the keeper who was feeding them so afterward, she came out and answered some questions people had about the animals (I had walked ahead and didn’t catch the Q&A thing, only the tail end of it). There were also Naked Molerats that made me think of Rufus from Kim Possible.

When we exited the building, we saw the Amur Leopard Anya who was pacing quite a bit. I was surprised at how long the tail really was; for whatever reason I always thought the tail was like any other tail. But Anya’s tail seemed almost too long for her body. She paused briefly by the viewing window to paw at it. The children nearby marveled at her while most of us thought if it weren’t for the glass, the leopard would totally eat the children. (Not really, well maybe…)

We saw the tailless tiger leap out from behind the rocks to attack a tree (I’m not really sure who won, the tiger or the tree) and play about her enclosure; and last but not least the sleeping lion Makonnen. Al was kind enough to tell us a bit about the animals when she could so it was like having our own personal tour guide. ‘Twas definitely shiny.

We moved on to the Bear Grotto next since Jason or Paul or one of the other people in their group wanted to see the bears. The brown bear was pretty cool and seemed quite content to just swim in his (her?) little pool. I thought it was fantastic that it could do a backstroke. We also got to see the polar bears; the one of ‘em was kinda chillin’ out on the side of the pool, but the other was playing with toys in the water. Al said that because of their fur they sometimes get algae or something in it and that’s why it has a greenish tint at times.

Joe and Cristina had joined us as we were looking at the bears (they ended up having to meet us at the zoo). They were just in time, too, ‘cuz it was time to head back towards the Seven Seas (we passed it on our way to the Bear Grotto) for the dolphin show.

Al was awesome enough to get us tickets to the show. She introduced us to one of her co-workers…whose name I completely forgot…but this co-worker was apparently the one to help Al learn the dolphin show. (It’s also possible I made that up in my head.) I don’t think there were enough tickets so a few people had to go in a different way, so they went with Al and co-worker.

When we reconvened inside, Al directed us to an area that was essentially center house left (there were like north and south terms…but I couldn’t remember if we were on the north or south end). She told us to stick around after the show so she could take us on a tour of the backstage area where she works. I thought that was fantastic ‘cuz then we could smell the dead yellow jacket smell, I mean, see where she does magic stuff like learn dolphin language (I refer you once again to “so long and thanks for all the fish”). She said that any time it sounded like she was just rambling, that meant she got the sign for “the dolphins don’t feel like doing the behavior they’re supposed to so fill-in time”. I thought that was awesome. She then took her leave of us so that she could change into her uniform.

I was sitting next to Dan and Lindsay so I told them about my dolphin Kaylee and how I thought it would be a good idea to take her home. Lindsay was okay with it, but Dan was like “And just where do you think you’re gonna keep the dolphin?”

Much like when I explained this brilliant plan to VoW, I told him about my plans for the basement.

Yeah, he didn’t buy it.

The place was filling up quite a bit; we decided it was a darn good thing we got there when we did. We saw Al come from the backstage area and run up to the booth so we knew the show was probably gonna start soon. The dolphins had been just swimming around their pool for the most part, not really doing a whole lot. Well, except for these two off near us who decided it would be fun to spit at one of the keeper people and this other one who had a devil of a time getting a hold of one of the water toys.

Finally, Al started up her introduction. There was music, there was clapping, there was, er, were (sorry, I was trying to do a thing) dolphins (Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphins to be exact). I cheered when Kaylee was introduced, you know, ‘cuz she’s my dolphin.

The whole show was really cool. The dolphins seemed more or less agreeable and did all of the behaviors, or so it seemed to me. I’d never seen the show before, so I wouldn’t have noticed if anything was amiss anyway. I can’t help but be amused that the dolphins are incredibly intelligent mammals, but they’ll do backflips for fish. (Or is the proper term a breach?) They sure can jump high.

During the show, I couldn’t help but flashback to our Speech Team days. It was kinda like Al was giving an SOS or a Dec, possibly an Oratory, but my memory of Oratory involved being bored whereas the other two events were more entertaining.

Yeah. Al’s definitely cool like that. I daresay it’s starting to border how we all “hate” Stephie Park, which is technically a compliment. So go Al!

I have to admit, I was kinda bummed when the show was over. I was really enjoying watching the dolphins and I didn’t even notice that time had elapsed.

The audience took some time to filter out, but once everyone had gone (or mostly gone) Al was returned to us. The first thing she asked was, “Who noticed what part I screwed up?” Only Brad and I think Rich noticed, everyone else was kinda like “You screwed up?”

I can’t remember exactly what behavior it was that was mis-introduced or whatever, but apparently the signal for it is nearly the same as another; the only difference is whether it’s palm up or palm down.

Now it was time for the backstage tour. I was pretty excited about that. Al split us off into two groups, one would go with co-worker and other co-worker Jess (it was really easy for me to remember her name), and the other would go with Al. Initially, Toni was split off from the people she knew so we more or less kidnapped her into our gang. (Yeah, we have shirts.) We were lucky enough to get Al as our guide.

The first place Al took us through was the dolphins’ kitchen, where they keep all the dolphins’ fish. We had to step onto this weird spongey thing before and after entering the kitchen. I couldn’t help but notice it smelled a lot like a sushi place to start out with.

Al explained about the board and all the numbers next to each dolphin’s name; on the days when they do four shows, the dolphins get a specific amount of fish versus the days when they do three. The eldest, Tapeko, gets about 26 pounds everyday regardless of shows, but the others might vary a bit more like Baby Allison, who is the youngest dolphin. She showed us the refrigerator where they keep all the different fish and buckets and the color codedness of it all.

After we left the kitchen area, we went down into the office area and she showed us where her office used to be before she was in the dead yellow jacket office. We had to hide out there for a spell whilst the trainers and keepers did their magic thing, and then we passed through the other kitchen. I think it was in the kitchen that we started to see the windows. When Al first started working in that building, she said that when she’d go into the kitchen the dolphins would come up to the window to investigate the new person.

I couldn’t tell you anything magic about the kitchen ‘cuz it seemed to me we kinda breezed through there to the keeper section of the place. I’d like to tell you I paid attention here, but I really didn’t ‘cuz the window wasn’t curtained off and I could see dolphins. They came around a few times and it seemed like they were getting closer each time ‘cuz they realized there were new people or something. Therefore, I totally missed what the room was used for; it’s possible that it was the “new behaviors” room where the trainers write down that kind of stuff on the board…but again, I could be making that up.

In the next room, we got to meet some of the trainers. Jett (it seems like he ought to have two t’s) was over by himself on one side of the pool and playing with one of the trainers through the window. I think he wanted the ball but he couldn’t get to it ‘cuz of the glass.

We could see the other side of the viewing area from where we were, as in the public underwater viewing area. Now that the windows were more uncovered, we could really see just how much smaller Baby Allison is in comparison to the rest of the pod.

People were asking the trainers more questions about the dolphins, like if they max out in growth and stuffs like that. I was once again distracted by the fact that there were dolphins swimming by. At one point as we were leaving, Grant managed to get Baby Allison’s attention. He moved his hand around the window and she would follow it like a cat. It was AWESOME. I was only mildly disappointed to not get a better look at Kaylee, but from what I understand about her, she kinda does her own thing.

We took to the toy room thereafter. There were these crates full of different toys for the dolphins to play with. Some days they might like playing with balls, some days they might want to surf (it seems Kaylee is something of a surfer girl).

That was pretty much the end of the awesome tour. We went back into the main arena thing to meet up with the rest of the group. It was decided that we would all get some food since it was right about lunch time; while Al went to change out of her uniform, some of the others went on ahead while VoW, Toni, Grant, and I waited for Al to come back.

We decided to eat at the Safari Grill, which was right outside of the Seven Seas. It was quite a crowded place and everyone ended up splitting up, although, those of us who felt like hanging around and waiting for Al managed to find Paul and Co. The weather had been alternating between sunny and drizzling for the better part of the morning; it happened to be the drizzling when we initially went outside to join the others, but it cleared up quite a bit after we finished eating.

It was to the wolves hereafter. I believe Brad put in that request. We passed through the Pachyderm House on our way.

We tried to see the Hippopotamus, but it was all kinds of submerged and Al said it could be down there for quite a while. We got to see the elephants, too. Al said that they were both females even though one of them has tusks and the other one doesn’t. I couldn’t help but smile a little when I overheard some parents telling their kids that you can tell which one was the boy because of its tusks. On our way in to see the rhino, we saw another hippo (I think) chilling out in the mud. It was a smaller one, but it was there.

The rhino looked kinda sad, not pathetic, more like sad. Like it was having a bad day or something. Maybe someone took its cookies away or something. You know, like that kind of sad.

When we came upon a display of the elephant’s skull, I remembered this documentary I’d seen on the History Channel about the Ancient Greeks and how their myths came to life for them because of fossils. I was pretty excited about it ‘cuz I actually remembered something academic so naturally, I decided to share. I felt pretty stupid afterward, but that’s only ‘cuz I’m a big freak and feel pretty dumb around Masters (yeah, that’s right, I said “Masters”). I felt a little better when Rich came by and asked if I was talking about the Greeks. Later, I felt stupid again when I saw that at the time I was talking about the nasal cavity being the eye hole of the Cyclops, I’d actually been talking about it when I was facing the wrong way. Still, it’s a pretty cool idea to think that fossils contributed to validating the myths to the Ancient Greeks.

After spending some time with the Pachyderms, we kinda had to hightail it to the wolves at the Wolf Woods ‘cuz Brad had to drive to Indiana. Brad had said that just about every time he’d been to the zoo, the wolves were no where to be seen. We were lucky on this trip ‘cuz we were able to spot all three. They weren’t overly active, they were all three kind of lazing about, but it was still cool to see ‘em. I’ve always liked wolves. (I wonder if that’s why I’m rooting for House Stark.) When I was a kid, I wanted an Alaskan Malamute for a dog ‘cuz it looked like a wolf.

So the two big things, other than the dolphin show, that people wanted to see had been seen. From hereon out, we just kinda went through the rest of the zoo at leisure. We decided to just kind of see what we’d missed on our way to the wolves, which included penguins at The Living Coast.

The exhibit made me think of Finding Nemo and the two animated penguin movies I saw with Fight Club this past winter. I kinda passed up all the fish in favor of seeing the penguins. They were pretty chill. They reminded me of when my own birds slept.

When there are people about, I have this habit of breezing through exhibits. It wasn’t too crowded (no, that would be a little later), but it was crowded enough for me to want to be out of there. So that’s just what I did.

Folk were taking their time with stuffs, which was five-by-five with all of us. It gave those of us inclined to sitting a chance to do so. We also chatted a bit and discussed things like who was going to ride back in which car now that we were a car short. It was also discovered that there would be food at the apartment for dinner — again, it seems I should have actually read the Evite instead of just replying “maybe”.

Once we were reconvened, we went to the Perching Bird House exhibit. Now this made me happy ‘cuz it was birds!! It made me think about getting birds again. I’d only ever seen hummingbirds in pictures, so it was cool to see ‘em close up. And even though I can see Scarlet Macaws at a pet store, it was still nice to see ‘em in a more “natural” environment. Apparently, when the two on exhibit came to the zoo, they were mis-sexed and the boy parrot got the girl’s name and vice versa. I thought that was pretty funny, kind of like how I named my green parakeet “Rocky” even though “he” laid eggs later in life.

I was happy we got a chance to see Cookie the Cockatoo. We tried to get him to play along with us, but I think he was tired.

Once we departed from our fine feathered friends, we were to the mon– primates next.

First, we stopped to watch the baboons in their enclosure at Baboon Island (strangely, there was no link for this). It was all five-by-five to see ‘em, and we would have moved on if one of the keepers hadn’t come by to give a little information about the baboons and throw what looked like orange peels at them for snack time. I’d like to say I was rapt with interest…but to be perfectly honest, I was starting to get a little tired (I had been up since half five remember). So while the keeper talked, I just sat down on a nearby bench.

We were to Tropic World to observe our cousins at play. Again, I’d like to say that I was super interested in watching them…but this time, the place was crazy crowded, and we all know how well I deal with lots of people I don’t know in close quarters. Therefore, I kinda breezed through the enclosures without really giving the primates much of my attention. In fact, when I got to the gorilla enclosure, I was more interested in reading the book that no one else seemed to be paying attention to; the book was kind of a Brookfield history of all their gorillas. In fact, I remember hearing about the gorilla who saved the little boy when it happened — I just didn’t know it had happened at Brookfield!

Since I’d breezed through, I was one of the first people to be out. I kinda wished I had stayed to see the gorilla fight, but seeing as how it was really crowded, it probably would have been super crowded watching the fight. Instead, I hung out at a picnic bench.

We were all starting to lose steam, I think, but despite fatigue, we marched on. We went to Habitat Africa - the Savannah! and saw the cool African Wild Dog, who was pacing about when Toni and I walked up to the enclosure. When the others caught up with us, he was out of sight; we entered the building only to discover that the guy was chillin’ out right up near the glass. I totally wanted to go play with him. Al said that they were brilliant hunters and tap-out tired dogs for fresh ones when they go running on their hunts. I thought that was cool.

Since the Habitat Africa stuff was close together, it seemed more efficient to walk over to The Forest! and see the Okapi, an animal I had never heard of nor seen before.

After marveling at the “new” animal, we swung up and around to watch the giraffes for a spell where Al told us fun facts about the giraffe tongue.

Last but not least, we went into the Australia House, passing the zebras and the camels as we did so. We got to meet the longest living Southern Hairy-nosed Wombat as well as some kangaroos. I couldn’t help but laugh and think of my Aussie friends coming to the zoo, looking at all the animals in their enclosures and just laughing ‘cuz it would be like us going to see squirrels in one of their zoos or something.

I was super glad to have avoided seeing any spiders.

That was pretty much the end of our misadventure at the zoo. Joe and Cristina stuck around to see more stuff since they met up with us later than we’d arrived and bought the fancy tickets that got them in to see sharks and flutterbyes, er, butterflies.

Now, it was time to party!

Our group has been pretty good at accomplishing the stuff we planned out on our list. Yesterday, we succeeded in yet another misadventure: attending the Bristol Renaissance Faire in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

The last time I went to the Faire was the summer of ‘99; I’d just graduated from high school and I’d always wanted to go. My memory of attending was definitely a good one, considering how much my head thinks in a fantasy book.

I ended up riding with Mike and Toni. Earlier in the week, I went to the Ren Faire website to find out more information about getting there and ticket prices and the like. The website mentioned something about construction posing a problem so the site listed an alternate route which I dutifully sent to everyone. Unfortunately for us, the driving instructions didn’t account for the express lane that passes the exit we needed.

We ended up getting to the Faire a little later than we had planned, but it all turned out to be pretty five-by-five. While we were waiting for Grant and Al, or Sleepy McSnoozepants and Al (gotta say, that’s a much better name than Tick Boy), one of the Faire employees was above the gate heckling people claiming everyone was late. He was pretty enjoyable.

It’s gonna sound a little weird, but much like when we went to Wizard World, I felt completely comfortable surrounded by Renaissance enthusiasts and their costumes. Only at the Renaissance Faire would I ever be allowed to carry a rapier.

Once we collected everybody, we passed through the “Time Gate”, as the characters refer to it, and made sure to pick up some maps so we had a clue as to where we were going.

After a brief stop at the privies, we wandered down Traders Wharf. There was the Mud Show at the Mid Pit, but it was pretty crowded so we didn’t really get to see much. Grant, Al, and I decided to buy some beef jerky which ended up having a bit more kick to it than any of us expected, in especially surprised Toni. If we had the plain jerky and it tasted like that, we wondered what the spicy jerky tasted like.

At the end of the Traders Wharf, there was definitely something that caught my attention: the Crimson Blades Fencing Academy. Naturally, I walked up to watch.

It appeared that anyone could fence a 3-point bout if they paid $5. Everyone else was all kinds of encouraging me to go and play, but I was just trying to watch first. I was never one to jump into a bout without gauging the other fencer unless there was only one other person to fence in the first place. It just so happened that one of the fencers challenged me; I wish I could tell you why, I think it was just ‘cuz my shirt was bright green so it made me easy to spot.

I went and signed up at the sign-up booth and paid my five dollars. I was trying to figure out if I wanted the Crimson Blades people to know I fenced or not; I’m not a stellar fencer so I didn’t want to embarrass myself or anything. However, when I entered the little enclosure and walked up to the fencing gear, the girl said they would teach me what to do. The jack ass part of me would have no part of this so I just asked her if they were fencing with foil, epee, or sabre rules and she kinda laughed, “Ok. Never mind. What did you fence?”

“Foil mostly, I did epee and very little sabre.”

“Well, we use epees but with sabre rules for safety, so target area is anything above the waist. And we do right-of-way.”

She asked me if there was anybody in particular I wanted to fence, and I told her about the challenge from the guy in black. “Rob?”

“I guess…”

She laughed again. “Ok, so here’s a little tip when fencing Rob. He usually hangs back and waits for you to come to him. He has a low engarde, but then he usually strikes high.”

She and I ended up chatting about fencing while I waited for the other bout to finish. Her name was also Jessie (sp?) and much like the club we started at ISU, she and some people she knew went ahead and started a club at Augustana.

When it was my turn to fence, she decided to tell Rob, “Oh and for the record, she knows what she’s doing!”

“Of course, I pick the one person in the crowd who already fences.”

It’s been a while since I did a formal dry bout. The strip was shortened to accommodate the space they had to work with but for some reason that translated in my head as meaning I didn’t have any room to advance or retreat properly. Rob and I did our salutes and then the judge called for en garde.

I really wasn’t paying attention. My head was no where near ready to fence ‘cuz Rob landed a ridiculously easy hit high on my right shoulder. It also didn’t help that apparently I forgot how to frickin’ parry! That annoyed me to no end.

We went back to the line. I was starting to get back into the sport fencing mindset and landed a good hit on him. Heck, I even advanced a bit to do so. Yay.

I couldn’t remember exactly how Rob got his second point, but he landed a good hit on my stomach. I think I got him back with a riposte when his attack missed me. I also happened to get an off-target hit on his leg. (If only we’d been using epee rules!)

Rob ended up winning the bout because as anyone who’s ever sparred with me knows, I have this ridiculous habit of running myself onto the blade. I saw an opening and went for it without really thinking about it.

It was a pretty decent bout. I should have done a lot better than I did, but I was happy to have spent the $5. I laughed about it later when I remembered that that was the same price as the floor fee in Mount Prospect.

When I went to return my gear, Jessie asked me how it went. After I’d told her the score, she asked me how old I was. I thought it was kind of an odd question, but it turned out that the fencing captain was looking for more people to hire on for next summer. She suggested I apply.

Dude, if I wasn’t moving to England, I totally would.

After my bout with fencing, or more appropriately my fencing bout, we wandered towards the archery booth. I was sorely tempted to buy a bundle of arrows, but for reasons beyond my ken, I ended up just watching Toni, Mike, Grant, and Al shoot. Because they all bought 12, and there were a lot of people wanting to try, we had to wait a spell while the booth people went and collected arrows.

Once the booth people had them all, the arrows were distributed to the people who were waiting, and because they had to wait, everyone was given extra arrows to shoot.

The bows were compound and a bit small for most people it seemed. Then again, because we were at the Ren Faire, my head thought they would at least have replica longbows. It all worked out, though. I didn’t really get to watch Mike and Toni shoot — there were lots of people in the area — but I did get to watch Grant and Al shoot.

The targets were deer painted on perhaps canvas and mounted on bales of hay. Both Grant and Al were doing pretty well; but the guy next to them was definitely more proficient. He kept hitting the target in the head! It was decided that he definitely shot a lot before or something of that nature.

We took our leave of Traders Wharf thereafter. We wandered back a little the way we’d come to discovered a Celtic jewelry place. We passed some time looking at all the jewelry there. Near that booth was also a Tarot reading place and Al and I flirted with the idea of having our fortunes read again. (We’d done so many years ago and it was a fun experience.)

While we were waiting for Mike, who was looking more closely at the Celtic jewelry, we spotted elephants, so we went to see what was going on by the animals; there was this little pony there that we discovered was absolutely a boy pony. VoW and Toni spotted a dragon in a tree and went to investigate, and I saw a procession for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth. You can always tell when she’s near because her guardsmen can be heard proclaiming “God Save the Queen!”

Mike eventually returned to us and we talked about maybe getting something to eat. However, to get to the food vendors, we had to go down Guild Hall Row; naturally, we took some time to explore the many wares displayed at all the shops that piqued our interest. There was a lot of cool stuff, too. Lucky for me, there weren’t any armorers of note, so I wasn’t pulled into looking at something I shouldn’t.

I couldn’t tell you how long we wandered around Guild Hall Row, but eventually, we made it to a food area. I had my heart set on having Shepherd’s Pie; I’d eaten it for the first time at the Ren Faire nine years ago, and I really wanted to eat one again. The particular food stall we found didn’t have any Shepherd’s Pie, so even though the food they sold sounded incredibly appetizing to me, I passed.

We were on High Street now, and there were these two booths side-by-side that caught Mike’s and VoW’s attention (and possibly Toni’s, but I clearly wasn’t paying attention): knife throwing and axe throwing.

Of course, this meant they had to try it. Meanwhile, Al and Toni discovered a Jacob’s Ladder game. They talked about the time they tried to win the game while they were at Great America. I was like, “Hey! I would have gone!”

“You were in Japan!”

“Oh yeah…”

Still, I would have tried to go.

Anyway, the pirate in charge of the game offered to demonstrate how to successfully execute Jacob’s Ladder. He explained that a lot of it was making sure your weight was distributed evenly. The pirate dude made it all the way to the top.

Al and Grant decided to give it a go. I alternated between watching them try the ladder and watching Mike throw stuff. By the time he got to the axes, Al and Grant had given up on the ladder thing and were more or less still covered with straw (at least Grant was on his back). Mike did pretty well with throwing axes; so well in fact that he got a little certificate thing. It was fantastic when he was awarded with it ‘cuz the vendor guy just stabbed the paper four time and handed it to Mike. Very official.

We were to the Black Swan; it was said that there was good food there. Unfortunately for me, we didn’t find Shepard’s Pie, but I did try a Cornish Pasty. When I first ordered mine, I ordered it without the gravy. It was sad and dry; I tried some of Grant’s that did have gravy. It was happy and tasty. I went back and asked them to put some gravy on mine, too. It was happy and good.

Everyone had eaten but Mike, he didn’t find the pasties as interesting as the rest of us. VoW went to take a layer off of her costume (she was dressed as Death’s something or another), and then we continued on.

I don’t remember exactly where it was, but I finally spotted a good armory. It was right next to the hat shop where Mike bought a cool brown adventurer’s hat; he was flirting with a black one of similar style, but that kind of hat just looked better in brown.

I myself was having a love affair with a rapier. It was so very pretty, with a black handle and a guard that didn’t annoy me. To make matters more appealing, the guy selling them knew what he was talking about and even knew a place in Chicago that taught Capo Ferro. Again, I was mildly sad at leaving the country — I could be studying Capo Ferro!!

I had to walk away from the pretty, pretty swords. We wandered around more booths and shops, watched Her Majesty the Queen eat pies presented to her by Lord Darby and got to talk to one of her attendants, and then found Shepherd’s Pie.

I was pretty sad that I wasn’t hungry when we found the Shepherd’s Pie; the mashed potato top looked so creamy and tasty. But it was in this area that we paused once again and Mike could finally eat something.

We decided that we should try watching a show. The two that were mentioned to us before were Doktor Kaboom! and MooNiE the Magnif’Cent. We happened to be sitting at the Globe Stage and there was talk of maybe watching the Barely Balanced Tumblers, but we eventually moved on so that we could make sure we got through the whole Faire.

There really wasn’t much else to see in terms of shops. There was one other armory that I looked in, and they had a nice short sword, but other than that nothing else really caught my attention in there. Grant and Al looked around the jewelry booth that was right next to it, and eventually we all just chilled out in the Three Sisters Encampment.

We finally came full circle. Since we already knew what was around, we went back for things that we passed earlier. I tried (and failed) to convince Al to go back to the hat shop and buy one of the hats she thought was great; I really just wanted to go back and look at the rapier again. Mike went back to the Celtic jewelry place and bought two items while we talked to one of the leech guys.

And we came around to the Globe Stage again to watch Moonie. He was most entertaining; he was kind of a mime. He balanced on a teeter-totter type thing, juggled, set things on fire while juggling and walking a tightrope; it was overall a fun little show.

After watching him, we caught the rest of Doktor Kaboom! at the Traders Cove Stage. It was starting to get cloudy then, and there were a few drops of rain to be felt.

Doktor Kaboom! was just as entertaining. He made a lot of jokes about how “historically accurate” the place was, “Say it with me people — theme park.” Some of his science helpers weren’t the brightest of the lot, but they were cute. He did a pretty neat trick where he fooled our brains into thinking his head both ballooned and deflated. He also demonstrated the air cannon and a trebuchet. He blinded us with science of a most entertaining degree.

We left not long after. The Faire was coming to an end and as much as I wanted to hang out more, I think we were all pretty beat.

It was a fantastic day at the Faire and I was really glad to have spent it with mine friends.

Huzzah for the Ren Faire! Huzzah!!!

It would probably be better “Batman vs. Poison Ivy” but this time around I’m writing about the actual plant, not the villain.

In the post that wasn’t, I wrote about the list Toni and I compiled of all the things we wanted to try and do before the summer ended (and before I possibly leave the country). Now, just about every year, we have a list like this; but this year, we picked dates as well. I think that’s what separates this year from our other years.

On this list was a trip to Starved Rock, a place I have never been to and a place I’ve always wanted to visit.

I woke up this morning around 7 AM. I was a bit confuzzled by this fact because the gang wasn’t supposed to be picking me up until 9:15. I was quite annoyed with myself for being awake and thought I ought to just stay awake…but eventually, I fell asleep again twenty minutes before my alarm was set.

This wasn’t exactly the best way to start out the day.

I went ahead and took a shower, and then actually sat down to breakfast with my parents. I was pretty excited about eating pancakes and drinking chocolate milk. I must confess, I was surprised to discover that my dad had put blueberries in the pancakes this morning. I can’t remember if he’d ever done that before.

I had dressed in loose-fitting, comfortable clothes and my dad was like, “Why are you dressed like that?”

I had to smile a little and thought it wasn’t exactly one of my dad’s more pleasant greetings. I told him about hiking, and he reminded me about sunblock, bug spray, and insisted I wear a hat. I’m usually pretty good about the first two things, but I’m not one to wear a hat. I think the last time I’d done so was when I wore my old blue fisherman’s hat — if you knew me junior and senior year of high school, you know which one I’m talking about.

I finished eating and returned to my room. Whilst I was there, my dad took it upon himself to find a hat for me. Man, he really wanted me to wear a hat, so I eventually conceded and took the baseball cap.

The hour was approaching the pick-up time. I had sent a text message to Toni making sure they had directions since it was established earlier that she didn’t remember exactly where I lived. I was starting to get a little nervous when I didn’t hear back from her. I don’t know what possessed me, but I decided to wait by the front door. Just as I opened it, they pulled up.

Brad was driving Yoss Mike’s car, which he was kind enough to let us use since it had the most room to comfortably seat all of us, with Bert playing the part of navigator and Toni and I got to just chill in the back. All we needed now was a Rich and we were good to go.

I’d never been to Lombard before. It seemed to me that it was a pretty quick trip. Once we acquired ourselves a Rich, we stopped by the local Jewel to pick up last minute supplies like extra water and some possible snacks. Bert and Toni had been kind enough to bring along peanut butter and jelly, but they’d discovered that the bread they had at home was no longer edible and so we picked out some bread too.

Our provisions purchased, we set off to Utica. We listened to music and Rich filled us in on the coat of arms of Princess Eugenie of York. I like that we can talk about many different things ranging from something like politics to incredibly geeky things like Star Wars.

I was surprised at how long it actually took us to get to the park. For reasons beyond my ken, I thought the place was not that far from where Rich lived. Long story short, it took something like two hours to actually make it to Starved Rock. (I could be off on time, but it sure felt like two hours!)

Brad managed to find a decent parking space and we took the time to lather on the sunblock and bug spray. Remembering the crazy mosquitoes from when we went to Morton, I made sure not to make the same mistake twice and was certain to use bug spray!

We made a brief stop at the Visitor’s Center for maps and last minute bathroom usage before heading off. I was mildly amused by our little band of hikers; it was all the people Toni had originally named when she first proposed this idea back in June. Not that everyone else wasn’t invited, it was more the fact that we five really enjoy hiking, we keep similar pace, and we were the most enthusiastic about the prospect.

It turned out, I was the only one of the merry Starved Rock band that had never actually been there before. Thence, the first order of business was going up to Starved Rock. It turns out, it’s like an actual thing. I just thought it was the name of the whole place, which it is, but I didn’t think there was an actual Starved Rock!

It was a little more crowded than any of us would have preferred, but it was pointed out (I cannot remember by whom) that as we went deeper and deeper into the hiking course, the less people we were likely to encounter. That cheered me quite a bit because we got caught behind people who just walked incredibly slowly. To be fair, there was a bunch of stairs to the first viewing point and I wasn’t exactly sprinting up, but once we got to more level ground, it just seemed like we’d never get through!

The view from Starved Rock was very view-y. I don’t know how else to describe it really. At the risk of sounding like a jack ass, it looked like any other bluff overlooking the river. Not that I’ve been on a lot of bluffs in my life, but when I visited Natasha’s hometown back in college, she took me to the bluffs overlooking the Mississippi River so I kinda remembered what the view looked like.

So yeah. Now I’m a big jerk ‘cuz I didn’t really care too much about the overlook.

We wandered back down the way we came and headed towards the main trails. There were several to choose from, so we spent some time looking over the maps for our best course of action. I was mostly indifferent to which path we picked, mostly ‘cuz I was just happy to be out hiking! And in Illinois no less! (My perception of “hiking” involves inclines and stuff like that.)

A generally good and universal rule when hiking is to drink a lot of water. Mike was kind enough to lend me his fancy Camelbak since he wasn’t using it (he was originally going to come with us, but then decided he’d much rather catch up on sleep instead). I’d never used a Camelbak before, but I knew that it was a good way of carrying a lot of water. While we were still picking courses, I thought I would go ahead and drink some water.

I gotta say, the Camelbak water wasn’t the tastiest stuff in the world. First of all, I found it odd that I had to use a straw (I’m definitely more accustomed to drinking water out of a bottle and thus being able to drink a lot of it at a time) and second, the water tasted like plastic.

Yech!

A course was finally decided; it seemed that it would be most efficient to take the Bluff Trail as it would take us to all the canyons and we would be able to take the River Trail back.

I couldn’t tell you what all we talked about on those initial trails. For the most part, I was content just to walk. It’s no secret that I miss hiking and I used to go hiking alone when I lived in Japan, so I could talk or not talk (we both love soup) as the situation required. I alternated between following and leading, and as I mentioned before, the five of us are pretty good at keeping pace with each other.

We got turned around briefly at Pontiac Canton, but since we were paused anyway, we took the opportunity to munch on Jewel brand granola bars that Rich was kind enough to bring for everyone.

After watering and eating, we resumed our hike. I’m pretty sure I got back in the lead somehow and one of the problems that occurs when I lead is that I get distracted by other trails. I mean, come on! They’re there for a reason! Who wouldn’t want to find out what was out there?! (Although, now that I think of it, it is probably due to this minor detail that we discovered that bamboo forest back in Kyoto…) Lucky for me, or more like everyone else, Toni was the navigator and would yell at me if i started going down an unofficial path. This isn’t to say we didn’t take any side-trips, we just always managed to return to the main path.

We approached Wildcat Canyon, which is known for its waterfall. Unfortunately for us, it hasn’t really rained enough to maintain the fall, so it was but a trickle when we beheld it. I guess when Bert and Toni were there last year, the waterfall was more than a splash.

No matter. It was still fun to see. We moved on thereafter.

Now Basswood Canyon…that was a sight to see. The only word that I can think of to describe it is splendid. As we approached, I had no idea what we were coming upon. The canyon was shrouded in trees, and the terrain of the whole park is a combination of bluffs and gorges and the trails take you to them, but not always inside of ‘em. To be honest, I thought we were just gonna skirt around Basswood like we did the other places, so I wasn’t overly excited. I just thought it was gonna be like all the other places we’d seen.

No, not it wasn’t. Not at all.

There were two other hikers admiring the canyon as we approached the entrance; we were fortunate in that they were exiting just as we entered. That was five-by-five with me because it made the experience that much better since it was just us.

Brad mentioned that if we were impressed by this, we ought to go out West. I couldn’t help but agree. The more and more I see nature like this, the more I think I’m no longer suited for Illinois. (Or at least our area of Illinois.)

The ground was soft, allowing for multiple footprints to be left behind, including a racoon’s. There was some evidence of either rain or another water source as well, but not quite a waterfall as in Wildcat Canyon. I admit, I was surprised to see sand because for me, sand is a thing that is by a beach. I thought we were a bit more inland from the river, so I didn’t expect it. I thought it was pretty cool.

We traipsed about the canyon for some time, climbing up as far as we could go to examine the geology more closely. Brad pointed out lichen, Toni attempted to climb the root-stairs near the entrance, and Rich, Bert, and I just kinda admired the place. I remember turning to Bert at one point and saying, “I can’t believe our friends passed this up…”

Perhaps I’m exaggerating the canyon’s splendor, and more than likely this is true. I’m sure compared to, I don’t know, the Grand Canyon, Basswood wouldn’t even make a blip on the awesome scale. But if you had been with us when we saw it, I think you would have appreciated it just as much.

I think that’s what made it so awesome for me; I got to share it in good company.

We had to move on, though. There were more sights to see and more memories to make.

After Basswood, we stopped by Sandstone Point Overlook to behold the Illinois River. Again, ’twas very view-y. I was a bit disappointed that we couldn’t traipse about Lonetree Canyon the way we did Basswood, but these things happen. I totally coulda made my way down the incredibly perilous dip, but I probably would have killed myself doing it. It woulda been fun, though! (For reals!)

We took the stairs that connected us to the River Trail and followed along the Illinois for a time. When we came to the stone bridge, we decided to turn right towards Tonty Canyon and LaSalle Canyon. First, though, we had to go onto the bridge and look down. A fish, later identified as a carp, was spotted and it was remarked that those who are inclined to fish ought to take a trip soon.

It was while we paused on the bridge that I decided I couldn’t stand the Camelbak water any longer. Bert and Toni were kind enough to give me one of their bottled waters and Rich took to drinking from the Camelbak since he liked that yucky plastic taste. (He’s an odd duck.)

A group of boys passed us while we were paused. It looked as though they were to the same destination as us, so we let them get a head start. We figured it would be like those other two hikers or something, the boys would be leaving as we were arriving.

After what seemed to be long enough, we started on the trail again. It seemed to me that Tonty Canyon was bigger than Basswood. There was one point where Brad got separated from us and he took the high trail while the rest of us were content to risk stepping in the stream to investigate the geology more. We got to see fishies; Brad got to find out the path ended. It was kind of entertaining trying to see how far he could make it without solid ground beneath him — he was up against the wall quite a bit. Eventually, he got to a point that was unmanageable and he had to turn back a little and come down what looked like a more solid path.

Our timing was not what we had hoped, for when we came to the end of the canyon, the boys were still about. The difference between Tonty and Basswood became evident again as there was a pool of water with an inconsistent waterfall and a side with trickle showers. Three of the boys had made it across the water (there was no path) and were standing under the waterfall while their friends took picture and threw sandals at them. We left them to their own devices and kept to the side with the trickle showers.

Being the four-year-old-minded person that I am, I thought it would be a good idea to stand underneath the trickles. It certainly helped with cooling off! (It was starting to get much warmer by this time in an otherwise well-weathered misadventure.) Despite wanting to splash about, I was mindful of the fact that my pants, shoes, and socks would be mighty uncomfortable if I got them soaked. So I contented myself with just ducking my head.

Eventually, it seemed we out-stayed the group of boys and they departed. This meant that we could enjoy the canyon more to ourselves. Unfortunately for us, we were partly inspired by the three boys who made it underneath the waterfall. The minor problem to this plan was the pool of water and the perilous trip across — I say “perilous” because no one wanted to walk the rest of the day in completely wet clothes.

There was some back and forth over whether it seemed like a good idea. It turned out that “forth” took over our better senses, though. Toni was the first to make the attempt, stripping off socks and shoes to try it. I thought it would be great fun, so I followed suit.

Toni managed to make it onto the little log bridge, which wasn’t so much a bridge as it was a bunch of logs that were close enough to the surface of the water to try and walk upon. She made it about halfway down one log before almost slipping and deciding to turn back. Even though I knew it was probably going to turn out badly, I thought I would still try.

The water was just as cool as the trickles, albeit a bit dirty. It wasn’t bad dirty like Lake Michigan, just dirty ‘cuz of the ground and the like. I made it about as far as Toni did, using the face of the wall as balance, before turning one of the logs in such a manner that probably would have made it more difficult for me if I had pressed on. I also couldn’t help but notice the happy spider-like creature on the surface of the water. They didn’t look pleased that I was disturbing their hunt. So I turned back as well.

Which naturally meant that it was Rich’s turn to try. Why let the girls have all the fun, after all. Yeah, he got about as far as Toni and I did.

Rich was incredibly prepared. He had the presence of mind to pack a towel as well as many other necessities we might need for hiking. Now we three had to try and dry off our feet while keeping balanced. It was not as easy as you might think, but we eventually got the hang of it.

It was time to take our leave of Tonty Canyon and move onto LaSalle Canyon.

LaSalle Canyon was not that far from Tonty Canyon; ’twas just around the bend more or less. It was the most populated canyon we’d encountered yet. It probably helped that there was a group of picnickers situated on the flat rock in the center of the canyon. LaSalle was more like Wildcat in that it had a waterfall, which was more than a little shower. We were able to skirt along the edge of canyon wall to walk behind the falling water. (The path narrowed quite a bit and it was either splash through a running stream or walk lopsided on the trail, which is what we chose to do.)

Much like Tonty, I thought it would be a good idea to duck my head under the water. (What? You would have done it too if you could have!)

We did not linger as long in LaSalle Canyon as we did in Tonty, I think it was mostly due to the people and the fact that it was getting sunnier and warmer and we wanted to try and press on before it got unbearable.

The trail out of LaSalle Canyon brought us back to the River Trail. It wasn’t too bad walking along the lapping water of the Illinois. We encountered three other hikers, who I’d noticed before back at LaSalle Canyon, who were poking around on one of the banks.

“There’s a snake here,” one of the girls explained.

This intrigued Toni so she hurried along to see, while our male companions decided to pass us rather than look for the snake. I could not see it, but Toni backed up a bit to try and look for it at another angle. The fellow of the three stood as far away from the girl with the stick, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “Why is it the guys are more afraid of the snake than we are?” referring to herself, Toni, me, and her other hiking companion.

It would not be the last time we’d see those three. We alternated passing and letting them pass as we continued along the river.

The River Trail eventually ended in a great flight of stairs. It was here that we stopped to assess our situation. There was talk of turning around; Bert was supposed to have dinner with his dad that night, which he was willing to reschedule, but he wanted to know what the rest of us wanted to do. It was noted that we could always come back some other time, but in the same turn, it was also pointed out that it took us something like two years to actually make it to Starved Rock and the likelihood of returning actually materializing was slim. Bert and Toni also said that when they were here last year, the trail was eventually blocked off.

After much debate, we decided to press on. It was probably a foolish decision considering the many stairs we had to climb, but after we got to the top and back onto the Bluff Trail, we felt a sense of accomplishment.

But we totally needed to stop and rest when we got there! It was one of the few times we got signal during the whole of the hike, so Bert used that time to call his dad on Brad’s phone and reschedule his dinner. We also took that time to assess our water situation; between the three Camelbaks we had more than enough for all five of us even after the water bottle supply was depleted.

We had encountered two other hikers going the opposite direction while we climbed the stairs and we asked them if the way trail was blocked. They didn’t seem to recall it being so, so we took this as a good sign.

Once we were rested, we continued along the Bluff Trail. Not long after conquering the stairs, we encountered more, only this time they lead to restrooms. Brad said he’d meet us at the next overlook and went ahead of us, although we ended up waiting for him at the big trail map lest we get separated more than we wanted.

While we waited for him, there was talk of another one of our outdoor adventures that was mentioned earlier in the hike. It was suggested that we might try canoeing in the next couple weeks if at all possible. I kinda laughed at the thought only because according The List, every other available weekend is taken up with other plans, like the Renaissance Faire and Grant and Al’s zoo day/apartment warming party. But the prospect is still a possibility since Rich, Bert, Toni and I don’t exactly have 9 to 5’s. By this time, Brad was returned to us and we continued on.

Our next sight was Owl Canyon overlook. This one was one of the more interesting overlooks because it wasn’t really a wooded deck as all the others had been. It was just rock overlooking the water. We ventured out onto the rock table and peered over the side.

Definitely not a fun drop.

“Do you hear that?” Toni asked.

We quieted. There was definitely a disturbance in the Force…I mean, there was definitely a disturbance to the silence.

“Sounds like bees…” Toni looked about until she spotted something in the trees. “Yeah, that’s a nest.”

We took that as our cue to get the hell away from the overlook since we could not ascertain if they were just bees or if they were wasps. None of us wanted to get stung and spoil the day!

Hennepin Canyon was the next major sight of note (I don’t think we saw the aptly named Hidden Canyon). The trail between Owl Canyon and Hennepin was quite a length. Some time while on the trail, Rich took over carrying the Camelbak since I wasn’t using it. Once free of the backpack, my inner four-year-old took over and I decided to take off running.

I love running on trails. Flat ground is not nearly as much fun as hiking ground. If I lived near a place like Starved Rock I think I would definitely run more. The dense wood provides decent shade and the uneven ground makes for interesting bounding and general prancing.

Of course, I did not go too far; just far enough to get my heart pounding and satisfy my inner four-year-old.

Once I was back with the group, we decided to try and make dinner plans. Knowing that we hiked about all day, it was decided that we must have steak, or at least some similar form of protein. We’d also established that it would be silly to have Rich drive up to our area just to eat with us so we thought we would try and find something to eat in Lombard. It’s like any other large suburb so it had the basics: Bennigan’s, Friday’s, Chilli’s, etc. We ended up narrowing down the choices to Bennigan’s and Friday’s primarily. Satisfied with at least that, we let the thought drop.

We encountered a road along the trail. We could the the rumble of motorcycles and knew that if all else failed, we could just take the road back to civilization. The trail brought us underneath the road in a path that hugged the concrete; it was a path also lined with poison ivy. Brad was good enough to point out what poison ivy looked like before we set off hiking so we would be aware of it. Thus, we carefully wend our way on the path.

The way to Hennepin Canyon from thereon out was a less well-kept than the other parts of the Bluff Trails. Or so it seemed to us. It could have also have just been the fact that the terrain seemed a bit more…hill-y is the only way I can think of to describe it with the many inclines and decline and the tree-root steps. Still, it was great fun. At one point on this particular part of the trail, Bert declared that he was reminded of Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings, when the Fellowship was attacked by the Uruk-hai. (We are such geeks…)

When we finally arrived at the overlook, we took another break involving lots of water and more granola bars. Whilst we were resting, we again brought up the issue of dinner. Much like when we went to Morton Arboretum, we knew we wouldn’t exactly be the best dressed or the best smelling customer of any establishment. I remembered then that we could always just order the food for take-out and then go back to Rich’s or find a park or some place to eat. We decided it was a good idea and had our dinner plans secure. We also looked at the map again to figure out what to do next since we had come quite far.

Illinois Canyon was the end of the hiking trail and none of us had ever been there before. It was still quite a ways off, but we had plenty of daylight left so we decided to give it a go. For whatever reason, I was really excited about this. I think it was because we had a goal and given what we’d already accomplished, I was very keen on achieving this goal.

Unfortunately for us, we did not anticipate being defeated by a path overgrown with poison ivy and underbrush. We’d continued on the Bluff Trail until we actually came to a road which we had to cross. Once on the other side, we located the next part of the trail only to discovered it to be unmanageable. Like not even the wooden stairs that led down onto the forest floor looked safe.

I was incredibly frustrated and disappointed, mostly because we had all but finished the hiking course and had come so far only to be defeated by poison ivy.

We turned back then; it was a sign after all. When we made it back to the Hennepin Canyon overlook, though, Rich had had enough. He was having a leg issue from when his calf had cramped back at the tower of stairs and didn’t think he could make it all the way back. Since we were close to a main road, it was decided that he and one other person (or two) would go up to the parking lot and wait for Brad and whoever else to get back to the car and then come pick them up. Toni ended up staying with Rich, partly ‘cuz Bert, Brad and I were going to try and run as much of the return trail as we could. Rich had his phone on him and Brad had his; we figured the main road would get reception better than we did when we were immersed in the forest.

Bert, Brad, and I bid our friends good luck and then we parted ways, hoping beyond hope that we would be able to see our friends again. (Remember the part where I said it was like Lord of the Rings?)

The three of us alternated between running and walking at a fast pace. We didn’t run on the inclines as much and had to be wary of the tree roots and rocks that could cause an ankle to turn. Since my head thinks not in this reality all the time, I saw this as a quest. Our friends were counting on us! We had to make it back quickly!

We were able to alternately run as far as Owl Canyon Overlook, which was quite impressive to me. It was established that I don’t jog so much as sprint; it brought me to the realization that I actually don’t know how to jog.

Once we got to the River Trail, we didn’t jog quite as much as we tried to do before. Partly ‘cuz we were tired, or at least I was, and partly ‘cuz we started to encounter more people as we kept going. It was later discovered that we could have just had Brad run back all the way by himself since he still had the energy and he either used to or still does jog.

We were making good time, though, so it was more or less okay that we took to walking a bit more. When we encountered the stairs again (not the evil ones, just another stairway in general) it was decided that everything should be blamed on stairs rather than Dixie. So now, the answer to “You know whose fault that is?” The answer is now “Stairs” not “Dixie”.

I was pretty much finished by the time we made it back to the Visitor’s Center. I’d been out of water since the bridge where we saw the fish (from the way back) so I was incredibly grateful the restaurant area was still open so I could buy a Powerade. While the boys visited the facilities, I also took the time to get those cinnamon-glazed almonds I used to get from Great America so I bought two packages of those, too (one for me, one for my mom). Bert joined me by this time and bought some pop corn for him and Toni to share once we met up with them again.

We were to the car thereafter. Mike called while we were getting situated and we discovered too late that he had tried to get a hold of us. I guess when he called, we weren’t in an area that got a lot of reception. After talking with Mike, Rich called to let us know that he and Toni were walking back along the main road. I guess they wanted to see how far they could get.

It was a lucky thing for them and us that they decided to give walking a try since there was apparently a detour on the road. It was also lucky that they reached the roadblocks when they did because just as we pulled up, we spotted them. They informed us on their own misadventure involving two out-of-service bridges.

We were together again and it was time to head back north.

Some time during our car journey, I noticed a sign for Cracker Barrel. “Man, we should just go to Cracker Barrel. They let all sorts of folk there so we wouldn’t stand out so much even though we’re all gross.”

It was deemed a good idea so we kept an eye out for the next available Cracker Barrel. I knew there was one in Minooka so if all else failed, we would go to that one. (I had been there long ago with my two college mates Jon and Natasha.) We stopped for gas at the Pilot in Minooka as well and filled up. I think it was something like $3.99 versus the $4.20 or so it was where we lived.

Oh man, it’s been a long time since I’ve eaten at Cracker Barrel. I usually get breakfast when I go there, but since we’d just come from hiking, I knew I had to try and eat something with meat. I had initially intended on having steak, but then I saw the pot roast and hoped that protein was protein ‘cuz damn if I didn’t want some pot roast right then! I think Bert and Brad ended up getting the same thing ‘cuz it sounded so good!

It was definitely a nice meal, and it was overall a great day spent together. I’m really glad we got to do it.

(Damn. I didn’t win the race. Curse you Toni!!)

Next time on “No, Really, I Am an American”: The Misadventures of Rich and Toni

What happened to them when we separated? And why did they both greet us with that evil gleam in their eye?

“I can’t believe those jerks!” Rich growled.

“My own husband abandoned me!”

“Hey, what’s that up ahead? It looks like…I don’t know…let’s check it out anyway! Maybe there’s gold inside!”

“Oh no…ARGH!!”

Was it really Rich and Toni who were returned to us? Or was it something far more sinister, far more deadly? Until next time, True Believers! See you in 30!

Toni sent me a text message asking me if VoW and I had some time to help her test out a game she made. I readily agreed, but being the jack ass that I am, I made the condition that if the game came alive or we got sucked into it, I would back out. After a few more texts were sent between the three of us, we established a time to meet at the Settlement.

I arrived at about 5 o’clock, which was pretty impressive to me given that I totally